Time For Your Checkup…

Happy Sunday Everyone!  It’s a partly cloudy day in my Little Corner of the World today.  My hubby is away on Military drill so it’s just me and the girls today!  I’m still not sure what kinds of things we will get ourselves into today–I’m finding it more and more difficult to come up with different things to entertain these two Cuties!

I have to tell you this story!  The other night while at Target my girls were allowed to pick a new toy–very rare for them, but they were being so well behaved that day and with all of the crazy going on in our lives I thought it would be ok to give them a little “pick me up”.  They were overly excited to pick out a toy!  The oldest picked a small Doc McStuffins doll that included a tiny doctor’s bag a few small “tools” to conduct a check-up.  The youngest chose a small Minnie Mouse that rides in a little pink car.

Fast forward to this morning.  The baby is still asleep so it’s just me and my Doc McStuffins lovin’ preschooler hanging out!  She sitting on the kitchen floor playing with her new treasure, the doll the doctor’s bag and a very very tiny otoscope for checking eyes and ears.   I’m sitting quietly sipping on my coffee, catching up on Facebook and listening to her little chatter.  I hear her whispering to our cat Moo.  I look down at her to see what’s she doing.  I then felt the blood rush from my arms–The cat has her rear-end all up in her face and my daughter’s little hand (with tiny otoscope pinched between her pointer finger and thumb) shoved into the cat’s butt fur and she’s whispering, “Ok Moo, time for your checkup…let’s checka butt.”  HOLY NO!

I shrieked!  “NO NO NO!!! Kaka!! We don’t touch the Kitty’s butt!!!”.

It’s not even 9:00am and already she’s been dowsed in soap and hand sanitizer.  I hope this isn’t a prelude to what kind of day we are about to have! 🙂

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“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace.  In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

John 16:22

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Gingantor Spiders and The Lady That Kills Them…

I am usually composed.  However, I lose control of every function of myself when I see a spider.  I fall to absolute pieces.  Just typing this I have the heebie-jeebies.   I can handle most any other creepy crawly being with the simple “fwack” of a shoe, or Fisher Price toy or insanely large wad of toilet paper…not spiders.  I do not care how large, how small, how hairy or unhairy these eight legged nasties are–they are the devil.

Last night I was watching my Monday night show Mistresses, in the dark, sans babies.  I was munching on some graham crackers and peanut butter in complete (not thinking of anything) Bliss–ALL ALONE!  Out of the corner of my eye something large and dark darted towards the fireplace.  My armpits instantly let loose with sweat!  I quickly pulled my legs up and curled into a fetal position with my blanket over my head! “It’s a SPIDER…It’s a SPIDER”  I took a few deep breaths and slowly lowered the blanket–there the beast was, staring back at me with it’s humungous fangs and beady eyes–the TV reflected in them as we stared one another down in the dark.  Not this time beast, you will not hide and you surely won’t eat me…this Mama’s not going down–at least not without a fight!

Slowly, I placed one foot onto the floor, then the other…it was now or never.  I quickly bee lined it through the kitchen into the hall bathroom and grabbed my can of extra hold hair spray and the can of Lysol!  On my way back through the kitchen I slipped into my flip flops and grabbed the roll of Bounty from the counter.  I paused at the edge of the family room, where the kitchen tile meets the carpeting.  I flipped on the light and spotted my opponent.  The words of Kevin McCallister sounded through my head– “This is my house, and I have to defend it”!!  Armed with heavy artillery, I fought back my fears and crossed the threshold.   War is Raw.  I jumped onto the oversized ottoman…It’s 8 lengthy legs twitched in anticipation.   I popped the lids off of hairspray and Lysol–this thing’s gonna die germ free with great hair!

I knew that once I started spraying it was going to try and make a run for it so I had to be stealthy–here goes nothing.  1-2-3…SPRAY SPRAY SPRAY…I was spraying so hard with both index fingers I could feel them turning purple from all of the pressure!  hahaha!  This creature tried to run…but soon lost speed once I jumped to the floor and started spraying closer and closer…it’s movements soon ceased once the hairspray started to work.  VICTORY WAS MINE!

In my gloating moment of confidence–I felt super sure of myself that I had conquered the enemy.  Yeah, famous last words.  I crept down really close…we were eye to eye.  And then the unspeakable happened…the hairspray WORE OFF and the SPIDER STARTED DARTING FOR MY FACE!!!!  I tried to get up, but I felt like a dog chasing it’s favorite ball across a wet tile floor…I was all arms, legs and feet…flailing body parts a muck!   IT TOUCHED ME–then I went to slapping and beating myself stupid!   I was yelping and squawking and speaking a language that was foreign to my ears….I swear I was speaking in tongues–me and the Holy Ghost were in a serious conversation of sorts…WHY GOD WHY???!!! Why did you create spiders???!!!

I found myself up on the back of the couch…the part I am constantly pulling my 2 year old down from…you know the spot–it’s the “Wooka Meeee Mommy…I gunna jump!!!” spot.  I scanned the room, where did it go?!?!   I stayed upon my perch for nearly 10 minutes and saw zero movement within the family room.  Maybe it crawled into a corner to go in peace?   My adrenaline rush had started to slow and I eased down onto the cushions.  I regained some composure and decided to go in the kitchen and get a drink of water…I was quite parched from all of this crazy that had just occurred…it was all too much for me to wrap my head around.  Somewhere lurking in my house is a sticky spider that has been severely disinfected.

Let’s just say I didn’t sleep well last night…visions of hairy brown spiders danced through my head.   My husband the Army Man must NEVER know of the events that took place.  It’s entirely too embarrassing!!!

What about you?  What creepy crawly are you most afraid of?

Brown Spider

VERY MUCH LOOKED LIKE THIS!!!  ICK ICK ICK!!!

“I WEAK”…

The words EVERY Mommy dreads hearing from their tiny toddler’s room at the butt crack of dawn…”MOOOOOMMMMYYYY, OHHHH MOMMMMMYYYY…Hurry Get Me I WEAKED!”

I drag my half awake self into her room this morning, she’s laying there with a huge grin on her face and she cheerfully exclaims, “Hi Mommy, I miss you, I weak!”–her diaper let loose at some point in the night like I’ve never seen before.  Yay.  No coffee for this lady–my whole routine is jacked now.  I had to leave to head to work with no coffee–not a good start to my day!

This brings me to my next frustrating subject–Potty Training.  At 18 months old this little girl of mine wanted to play with the potty, wanted to sit on the potty.  We bought her a potty chair.  We role played her baby going potty.  She was enthralled!  I thought, “YES, this is going to be so easy!” WRONG!  She taunted me for 3 months, pretending to want to potty, but never actually going potty.  Then one day she stopped being interested in the potty.  Today, at 2.5 years old if you even as much as mention, “Do you want to go poo poo/pee pee on the big girl potty?” she freaks out, “NOOO I NOT POTTY!”.  I am not pushing the issue.  I ask once and leave it alone, but what gives?

I don’t even know where to begin…Lord Give me strength!  Any thoughts?

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My Husband The Knife Connoisseur…

As I’m rinsing the dishes to load them into the dishwasher this afternoon, the copious amount of knives in the sink really caught my attention.  I rinsed the huge butcher knife (I am too afraid to touch that beast), 3 paring knives, 5 steak knives and a “bread” cutter knife–ALL those knives were used by him in a less than 24 hour period?  Why the butcher knife…I don’t recall any large mammalian carcass being savagely shredded in my kitchen for dinner last night?

My husband is a kitchen knife freak.  The “Iron Chef” within this man comes out…even when cooking eggs for the girls in the mornings.  We have 2 extremely armed knife blocks in our kitchen, and an insane amount of knives without a wooden “home” lurking within the drawers in our kitchen.   Who needs that many knives?  My hubby thinks they are necessary.  I just use one knife to cut EVERYTHING–he absolutely hates me for that!  That one knife is my favorite–dull enough that I know I won’t chop my fingers off and sharp enough to cube potatoes AND it will “almost” nicely cut a tomato (whatever I’m going to eat it anyway…it doesn’t have to be pretty)!

My husband is serious about his knives–he even yells at me for using the glass cutting board instead of the wood one for cutting food, he says it will dull them faster…eh, most times when he’s not around I just used the counter top–shhh!!!   He makes me laugh!  Bustin’ out the HUGE wooden cutting board to chop an onion–WITH the butcher knife! LOL–oh the mental image!

What about you?  Are you a “Knife Connoisseur”?  What about your significant other?

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Welp..guess I was wrong about the “Butcher Knife”…it’s technically called a “Chef’s Knife”–hehehe!!!

Fat Pants…

Well…the technical term is “yoga” pants…but in all honesty they really are nothing but fat pants.  They are the only pants that you ABSOLUTELY HAVE to put on after you’ve spent too much time in your skinny jeans chasing your crazy, banchy children around the house, the yard, the car, Target.

I don’t know about you but when I put my “fat” pants on…I almost get the same AMAZING feeling as I do after I peel my bra off after too long of a day.  (Oh yeah I said that…don’t lie either…you know exactly the feeling I am talking about!) It’s pure ZEN once the “fat” pants have been applied to your body.

I have multiple pairs of “fat” pants…but I have only one favorite pair out of the bunch.  That favey pair is like the favorite pillow on the bed that me and my husband fight over on a nightly basis…If I don’t have that ONE pillow my sleep isn’t the same…and wouldn’t you know I have never been able to find another pillow like this one!  These same rules apply to the favorite “fat” pants…when I’m not wearing these pants after a long day…the rest of my evening just doesn’t feel right.

Please share about your “fat” pants…I know that 90% of you own a pair!

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Tiny Toddler Snack Attack…

There are days when getting fresh fruits and veggies into the mouths of my Little Babes for their snack times is darn near impossible.  Here are some of my go-to, quick grab snacks for the girls!

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In our house we eat Gluten Free & Organic–I have Celiac Disease.  It runs crazy in the women in our family–therefore I keep the girls Gluten Free until they are old enough to have the proper testing.   I am also a firm believer that whatever you put into your body your outward self will show it–so we also eat mostly Organic.   The Littles LOVE these snacks–and I know that on days when they are being picky these are an alright substitute.

What are some of your go-to, quick grab snacks for your Littles?

Say YES to the PRESS…

Good Morning Everyone!  This is my feeble attempt at cheerful this A.M.–in reality I’m so completely exhausted!  So I’ve pushed aside the Old Faithful Drip O’Matic Coffee this morning and I had to bust out the BIG GUNS:  French Press

Last night–ALL night–my Littlest Little was up crying off and on–she’s teething. UGH!  I feel awful for her and I’m trying to soothe her as best as I possibly can.  I just wish those blasted things would come in and we can all have more peaceful nights and days.

Anywho, back to French Press–have you ever had it?  It’s my go to fall morning beverage.  I know I’m a little early with the “Fall” talk, but this form of brew is a little stronger than my regular and it’s VERY much needed this morning after being granted only 4 hours of sleep last night.  When I was in my 20’s–before the Littles graced me–I could eat 4 hours of sleep for breakfast, lunch and dinner!  Now that I’m in my 30’s with the 2 girls and countless other responsibilities–4 hours of sleep feels like a parcel of food lodged in my throat!

So here I sit, the girls are quiet eating their morning before breakfast snacks, I’m sipping on my cup of Diesel Fuel and having my morning devotions and praying that God will ever so kindly remove the grumpies and replace my mood with happy thoughts and a more rested attitude!

What are some of the ways you handle teething in your house?

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“Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings.  My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.”

Psalm 63:7-8

If you need a little break…

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You throw your toddlers into their car seats and you drive your happy hiney to Target!

Target is my home away from home…my sweet sweet mecca…my means of “escape” when I need a break and every other person in my life has a “real” job and can’t babysit at 2 o’clock in the afternoon!

Target also has STARBUCKS!!!

Target also has CLEARANCE end caps which causes me to buy more crap than I could possibly use or need.

Where else can you go that you can toss your littles into a cart, strap them down and cruise aisle after aisle of amazingness all the while enjoying a delicious coffee beverage?!

I will make excuses just to go to there…oh darn I only have 1/2 a bottle of liquid dish soap left…”Girls go find Mommy your shoes!”…my oldest responds with GLEE…”Mommy…we go to Target now?!”

I also get a giggle when my husband comes home and sees the remains of a Target trip on the counter in our kitchen and all he does is let out a deep sigh and shakes his head…I mean what else does he want from me?  I go no where else…I think I need to go on a mini vacay for just 4 days…and I will bet $100 he goes to Target ATLEAST twice–he will then understand the need, the fire, the impulse that I can’t contain!

I know there are more of you Target junkies out there…Please share!!!

Oh and P.S.–I actually went to Target today and it was glorious!  I feel like a new woman now!

Let’s Talk Dirty…

LAUNDRY!!!!  No I don’t mean gossip, I mean the “stuff” that keeps piling up behind the closed door on the first floor of my house–I swear I have nightmares that the HUGE pile is threatening to eat my toddlers!

Yep, I’m that kind of mom–the kind of mom that just closes the door to the laundry room, only goes in to rummage through the pile and find the “necessities” and run a quick load!  I’m the kind of wife that will wash my husband’s boxers when he’s finally down to wearing the boxer briefs at the bottom of his sock and undies drawer–I know he’s down to the bottom when he’s grumbling to me over coffee first thing in the morning saying, “These things are just riding up…please wash some clothes!”

Don’t even get me started on folding the clean clothes with 2 little girls under the age of 3 running around–It’s a losing battle.  Most of the time the clean clothes sit in the basket, unfolded and we pick through them.  IF I am lucky enough to have a moment of peace and quiet to actually fold the laundry–we pick from the baskets of folded laundry.  To be honest if I had a moment of peace and quiet…haha I surely would NOT be doing laundry.  In fact I am not even sure what I would do with SOLID peace and quiet.

I’m also going to admit to you that our master bedroom is not the sanctuary of relaxation that you all THINK that I have…oh no no no…there are piles of laundry in there too, and a pile of laundry our master bathroom floor.  But wait…I know you might be thinking, “How terrible and so gross!”…but I assure you the laundry is removed from my “sanctuary” every week and placed behind the closed door on the first floor!  That’s SERIOUS progress in this house!

There have been a few times over the course of the past 6 months that EVERY stitch of clothing was washed, folded and put away in our house–you could actually see to the bottom of the hampers in the laundry room and there wasn’t so much as a sock on the floor!  Those few times were HUGE moments of pride for me–and I threatened the lives of every breathing being in our house that it better “Stay This Way!’…and I digress within a few short days the fond moments of a clean laundry room and all of the clothes tucked neatly in drawers had become a faded memory.

It’s really not as bad as it seems, the girls have clean clothes on their little bodies everyday and yes, my husband doesn’t run around in 3 times worn pants (that I am aware of).   It’s just that me and laundry have a serious love/hate relationship!

What kind of laundry mom are you?!

Lord, help me to do what I’m doing with desire and confidence. I pour out my heart to You and ask You to energize my faith. Amen

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Todays Great Shower Debate…

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The shower should be a relaxing venture…the key words “should be” ring loud and clear these days!  I’m lucky enough to have a small moment to get in, wash my face, hair…then the question arises whilst in my moment of relaxing venture: Do I have enough time to shave…BOTH legs?  Armpits ONLY?  Legs & Pits?  or Neither?…I know that as soon as both feet step into the shower I only have about 7 minutes before one or both of the girls are screaming from their cribs for me.   My debate was interrupted abruptly as I heard the youngest screaming at the top of her lungs–in my fear she would wake her older sister–“Armpits ONLY” won.

Better Luck tomorrow–sorry Hubby–the hairy legged bush woman is still lurking in around the house!

I will hide my legs under jeans today–even in 87 degree weather. Oh the JOY!